Fall to deep
by HDMaslowHough
Summary: She lost everyone she loved before, everything she knew was gone. She can't let herself love again even if her heart tells her its right, even if that process kills the people around her. - rated T just in case
1. Chapter 1

Dear diary,

I've never felt like this before in my entire life. Never felt this miserable, this alone. Neglected, unworthy and despised. How could I mess it up like this. How could I push him away, the only one I had left, the only person I knew I could trust and who trusted me. I felt safe around him but I blew it, the happiness we shared gone in the blink of an eye. I hurt him, I did the one thing I promised I would never do and I can't make it up to him. I made him fall for me only I didn't catch him. What did I do? I'll write it all down for you dear diary but it will take time. Bare with me while I try to unravel what went wrong in what could have been a wonderful love story, but ended o so tragically. I hope I have the guts to write it down honestly. Why wouldn't I, I know you wont judge me.

I have to go now because no matter how miserable I feel life goes on,

Love,

Hunter

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><p><strong>Sorry this chapter is super super short but its a start! This is my first story (in English that is) so I hope you guys like it.<strong>

**I'm gonna try to write longer chapters and update soon!**

**Love,**

**HDMaslowHough**


	2. Chapter 2

Dear diary

I guess it all started 6 years ago when I was 14. I still remember everything that happened, every little grueling detail. It had been an incredible fun day. The whole family got together to celebrate my parents anniversary. My sister, grandparents, uncles, cousins, aunts from both sides, our close friends; we all went to an amusement park(which we had rented for the day). Close to 40 people in one bus which was specially decorated for the party. We all had a terrific day and I really didn't want it to end, I had enjoyed myself so much. We started driving home, singing silly songs and having a good time. I remember ducking down to grab my bag when something hit us with so much force I thought we had exploded, the amount of force you feel when you go on a rollercoaster ride but you don't take it at day but at night so every new turn is a surprise .The bus started tumbling down the hill the road was paved on. I think we flipped over about 4 or 5 times but I'm not sure. All I remember was screaming bloody murder and the silence when the bus stopped moving. The bus was turned upside down side and I remember trying to figure out why the hell I wasn't in my chair. I opened my eyes and immediately wished I hadn't : body's all over the place, I saw my uncle with his head twisted in a unnatural position with blood everywhere, my aunt... I can't possibly describe it. Suddenly I heard my sister cry, well cry soft whimpers but I knew it was her, so I tried to locate her but I failed to see her at first. I started to shout her name; soft at first but getting more hysterical with every passing second.

Finally I located her at the back of the bus, I carefully started to crawl towards her making sure I didn't touch the bodies. When I reached her I couldn't help but cry. I immediately saw she wouldn't make it, her breaths shallow and her eyes looked lifeless. I cradled her when she started to cry whispering she was scared, scared to die, scared to let go. I'm not gonna be cliché and say I knew I had to be strong for her because I didn't. I cried while I held her and told her it was okay. Her breaths became less frequent her eyes closed and her cries were just soft whimpers to soft for me to be able to hear them, yet I understood what she said. After that I don't remember much, I must have blacked out. I remember bits and pieces: a fireman crawling in, did I mention I was on the top floor of the bus?, cursing and then calling for survivors. I must have answered him because the next thing I know is that he wanted to grab me, urging me to let my sister go. I started screaming when he grabbed me but after a minute or so I passed out, or I think I did because the next thing I know is seeing a white hospital room and a nurse walking towards me when I called out for help.

I just cried when she started to tell me I was out for 3 days, but she didn't tell me the worst news. She was acting like everything was fine, nothing major happened while I was asleep. After a few minutes I had calmed down enough so I could ask her the only thing I needed to know : did my family survive? She froze and I saw her think, think about how to tell me my life is over, how she's going to tell me I'm all alone. She decides she doesn't wanna be the one who breaks the news and tells me she's gonna ask the doctor because she doesn't know for sure. After what feels like eternity a doctor came in and sat down next to me. She sighed and looked at me: 'I'm afraid I've got some bad news ...' I just looked back at her, urging her to go on. 'You are the only survivor, everybody either died on the scene or the day after' I just looked at her, staring at her trying to understand what she just said. She basically told me I was on my one from then on. Nobody left except me, I didn't know what to say. I kept staring at her trying to process what she just told me. She started to talk to me again:´I know this isn't what you need right now but we need you to arrange the funerals of your close family. Your parents, sister, grandparents and uncle. All the other funerals will be arranged by their close family.´ As on cue a mortician walks in, a young business woman with a emotionless face. `Okay we have 6 funerals that all need to take place in one week and not interfere with any of the other funerals. Therefore they will be on the same day, same venue` I just looked at her in shock while she continued:`I already checked and we have a small budget for your parents and sister but a medium one for your uncle and grandparents. I think we better do the funeral and the reception for all of them at once to save time.´ That where I lost it :´SAVE TIME!? THIS IS MY FAMILY YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, YOU CAN´T JUST TREAT THEM LIKE TRASH WE NEED TO THROW OUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS´ I started to cry while she just sat there thinking about what she´d say next, or I hope thats what she thought about. `I´m sorry to upset you but this is my job, if I get emotionally attached with every single case I´d be depressed in no time therefore I try to look at this as business `Even though it made sense I couldn't stop crying. `I´ll come back later`and she was gone. Just like everybody else. All I could do was ask myself this one question which is still left unanswered: Why did I survive?

**Yeey I updated! More then thousand words baby! WOOP WOOP. **

**Hope you like it!**


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